Muka Cik Auumm nampak macam tua.




Macam import daripada negara lain pun ada. Minum ice blended sambil tolak stroller tapi badan terketar-ketar tahan sejuk, adalah perkara paling menyeronokkan.


And I'm some sort of craving for it. Tolong faham. I'm not pregnant.

I memang dah pesan awal-awal kat my better half,

: Yang.. Nanti nak ice blended. Beli ok?

: Hm..

: Beli tau??

: Ok.

Itu bukan diktator. Itu mengada.

Since my husband went out with the Japang, and Nian, and lepak at coffee bean, maka, impian untuk dapat ice blended adalah tinggi.

At 12am, I terjaga. Dah terlelap wayyy before that.

: Sayangg... (hulur tangan)

: Yee.. (dah tau sangat, if I terjaga malam-malam buta, mesti nak minta hug tak pun gosok belakang tak pun picit kaki.. heee)

: Mana air orang???

: Tak ada

Diam membisu. Terus gi toilet. Terjaga sebab nak ke toilet. Bukan sebab minta peluk, and my sayang ingat I nak hugs. Sorry la yang.. Melawat toilet malam-malam adalah best.

The next day (dah nak masuk malam balik dah), barulah I tanya..

: Eh.. Semalam masa orang terjaga tu, sayang baru balik ke?

: Haah

: Habis tu, mana air orang? Cakap nak beli..

: Ye laa.. Masa nak beli tu kaunter dah tutup.

: Kenapa dah tutup? Ke korang lepak mana semalam? Haaaaa..

: Lepak situ laa. Takkan la nak beli air awal-awal.

Hu.. Alasan. Saja tau. Walhal boleh je beli sendiri tapi biasalah, terlebih memanjakan diri sendiri, memang macam tu.

Once again, am not mengidam sebab pregnant. Ini adalah hormon yang asyik dilandai ombak yang tak tentu ketinggiannya.

Talking about pregnant.

I've mentioned before that I've never think or came across imagine am having another baby.

Bila fikir.. Rasa macam.. Bercampur-baur. Bukanlah I tak nak. It's just that am having a major post-natal depression. Ada urat mana entah yang tersimpul sampai I jadi toing toing. Ok. Not so toing toing. More like.. Well.. We'll just wait. Let it be a surprised. Tak nak lah plan-plan or expecting. Tak thrilled.

Tapi I rasa macam, I was avoiding rezeki from Allah.

Aince I was pregnant for the kecik, memang, rezeki tu melimpah-ruah. Betul orang kata, anak adalah rezeki. That's the kecik rezeki. Us, the parents, hanya menumpang.

Hati macam berdolak-dalih.
It's like denial.

In life, if tak susah, it's not life. Susah mungkin daripada harta benda or keluarga or kawan or anything.

Sebab tu bila I tengok muka my anak teruna masa tidur, I was wondering, can I handle one more child? Do I want? My husband?

It's a life we're given. Bukan barang. Am more to aumm mother. Plus, I shall hit the running thingy before getting pregnant again. I dont want to be fat. No offense. Tapi my body cant accept extra baggages.

Badan anak dara dan badan lepas bersalin berbeza.

Betul.
Trust me.

Before I mengandung, my pinggang, satu jengkal, that's my pinggang. Bukan total la. Tapi if berdiri depan cermin, then tarik baju kebelakang, buat-buat ketat, konon macam pakai kebaya, you can measure them and the result, satu jengkal sahaja.

I was more like budak kecik size before.
And thank to pregnancy, I was more like the size of my age. Well, sort of. Still got budak-budak. Tu yang people surprised when they're looking at the kecik. Remember yang entry Arab tu? Anak punya la comel (ehem), tapi mother macam budak sekolah yang baru balik main kahwin-kahwin belakang rumah.

And am afraid that if getting pregnant again, my size will be much bigger. Oh. Tak sanggup nak bayangkan!

Well, that's part of the post-natal syndromes.

There's other factors too. Tapi at the end, it's come back to the post-natal depression.

I happy. Happy. Tapi bila masuk part labour room, pasal anak, bangun malam, pantang and all.. I bukanlah cannot stand all of that. Bukan tak nak going tru them again. Cuma tak ada perasaan.

Tak ada perasaan dan tak nak adalah berbeza. It's like we're eating, tapi tak tau makan apa. Rasa makanan tu pahit masin manis tawar and all..

And once again..
Bila orang yang kita kenal, macam bagi hint, pregnant la lagi, or get another kid, so, our son ada teman. Pandai main. Pandai act like a brother. Can speak well macam anak orang lain yang ayat penuh always coming out from their mouths, while our son, b.o. pun baru pandai cakap, o. o. o. Sambil tunjuk kat punggung.

Bukan semua orang, buat anak, hari ni terus dapat.
Bukan semua orang boleh prepare mental dan physical.
Bukan semua orang can share their love adil saksama

And when thinking about it..
Anak memang rezeki daripada Allah.
You cant deny it.

There's always a hidden treasures coming together with the baby.

And for me,
I dont know.
Biar masa.
Let me be more emotionals.

And the most,
IAm glad that I've this little angel.

Rezeki yang Allah bagi, and being able to see our son's smile again, it's a wonderful feeling.

Really.