At one point, I dont know how to write this down. Still.. I need to pour it out.

Since this one kakak told me about how her marriage looks like ten years ago and all, I've seems like can judge people tru their eyes.

This kakak looks sad tho with the past situations and now she happy with her small family. The eyes told me.

And after that, after a long and penat day, I've checking tru some pics. Lompat sana lompat sini, I've bumped onto this one lady pic.

Honestly, this is what I've felt.

Perempuan ni sedih.
Dia ada anak, ada husband, and now try to get the PhD, and still, she looks sad. Eventho her baby was on her laps.

Macam.. Having long lost love from her life.

Why?

I dont know. But am truly strong believe, that's what those eyes to me.

Hidup tak selalu indah. Kan?

Terkejar-kejar cari the most valuable TV set, then your bumped at the car's door.

Terlompat-lompat happy sebab nak the hubby kata there's one pair trousers cantik for you, ended up, tu size budak-budak.

Terpekik-pekik panggil anak, rerupanya anak duk menyorok. Cari port utk B.O.
Oh.. Tak indah ok. When you're tired from cleaning up all the vomits early in the morning.

Tengah tido nyenyak, bangun cari barang, finally realized that the house been robbed.

Hurm..

Still.. Day and night, I remember her eyes.

Kenapa ada anak if hati tak cinta?

Truly. Honestly. I just dont get it.

People got married based on what actually?
Faktor usia?
Cinta?
Sayang?
Kesian?
Gatal?
Mengada?
Terpaksa?

And the anak?

If you're asked me,

It's nafsu. Everything needs nafsu in this worldwide. Nafsu nak makan, nak tido, nak shopping.

Tapi if get married sebab org tu dah banyak kali pinang or sebab you've been married once then got divorced, then your parents pity you sebab afraid you might be doing something bad, they find you a new hubby, and you makes baby with him eventho you didnt love him?

That's love?
Tanda kasih sayang?

Afraid am not agreed with it.

Kenapa perlu wujudkan manusia yg tak bersalah? Ended up, you're not happy. But the life must go on as you're having the kid(s).

Allah dah tentukan segala-galanya.

Why when we cant find answers that we the one who brings the problems out, we'll said, Allah ada plan utk semuanya? Yes, true.

Bukankah kita merancang dan Allah menentukan?
Tapi kita boleh berdoa, bukan?

Berdoa agar hidup dipenuhi dengan cinta dan kasih sayang dan rahmat-Nya.

Ya Allah,
kiranya aku mengambil kebahagiaan manusia itu,
ku relakan diriku pergi.

Let her be with her long lost love.