My sayang'a turning to 30 next year.

And the only child, the kecik. Well, for now.. Or maybe forever..

Sigh..

I really dont know how to write down this one.

Betul org kata. Talking about anak is something..

Belum ada.. Nak satu. Dah ada, mesti yg bertanya, bila nak tambah. Bila dah tambah, tanya bila nak sepasang and if anak banyak, wah... Aktifnya!

So?

Most of the anak pertama, made by love. Anak pertama tak sama macam anak kedua. Anak kedua tak sama macam anak ketiga.

Ok. It's hard.

It's the greatest gift from Allah for me after my sayang. Orang nak kata apa, silalah kata. If you guys nak kata or sindir or anything, kenapa duk stalking? This is my own space. So? Tak faham-faham? Hurm..

I've said before. Am afraid of bahagi-bahagi kasih sayang. Trust me. Am not good at it. Maybe having the other ones will change me. Maybe.

Tapi back to me.

I dont want my other kids tak sama as the kecik. Means, ye la.. Anak first. We didnt plan. Ada rezeki ada la. Tapi for the meantime, it's a.. Hurm.. Nak kata taknak, takde la taknak sgt. Or mmg taknak? Or memang nak? Ish..

And am holding to doc advices. No baby in 5 more years.

Some friends asking me, bila nak ada anak lagi?

I know, they're just asking. Sekadar berbasa-basi. Betul. Bila topic anak keluar, even if you dah ada anak or tak, tu adalah soalan yg agak sensitif..

Org yg bertanya tu knows the reasons why I cant get pregnant in 5 more years. Tulang belakang rapuh. Macam org umur 60thn.. It's not good for having another ones. Or doing heavy things.

Am pity with the kecik. So my sayang. As turning 30s, it's kinda big thing? Eh.. Bukan life at 40 ke for men? = D

Takkan la umur dah over 50, anak baru nak masuk 20? Gitu?

As for me, takpe, am forever 21 kan = D

Talking to my sayang about this kind of topic, is one thing.
And expressing what I felt is another story..

Too afraid, I guess.

Takut nanti the kecik gaduh with the siblings. Takut nanti the kecik rasa mom dad kasi kurang kasih sayang. Takut am lebihkan the new ones and marah or pukul the kecik. Seriously. Am afraid of losing the kecik. One wake up called is more than enough..

And the most important thing, I think am having major post-natal depression..